Thank You, Positive Vibes ~

Buenos Dias,

I am on a mission to prove you wrong, and I must remember to thank you for your words of encouragement.

Thank you for taking the time to try and belittle me and my decisions. Thank you for reminding me that I have so much stored up potential that I need to use in order to succeed.

Thank you for shaming my mind, body and emotions. My thought processes, my actions and my beliefs have all grown the skin needed to get through your cut throat words.

My life is taking me on a journey of acceptance and understanding, but I won’t forget everything you have said. I will make it, I will succeed your expectations.

Gracias,

Su Sucesor.

P.S. #PositiveVibes ~

Don't Worry, I Can

I’ve always been a hopeless romantic, looking to sink my teeth into a love like Edward Cullen. I truly believed there was a person out there for everyone, and that when we found them, we would do our best to make sure the love was healthy and everlasting. Long walks on the beach, cuddling during any type of storm, being able to truly be appreciated for everything you are, I wanted it to be like the movies.

Now, years later, I find myself looking for love that can be true and pure. I want to be able to be trusted, and give my complete trust back. I want fireworks every single time we talk. I want everything.

Today, I find myself feeling like these are just dreams, as if people are to self-centered and closed off to want the same thing, and I thought expressing myself as a bad boy would make me fit into the mold society is carving out. I AM NOT CLAY. I will not allow myself to be shaped the same way as everyone else. I will not lose sight on what makes me, me.

I want love that stares me in the face every single morning and tells me I am safe, heard and respected. I want a love that tells me when I overstep the boundary but loves me even with my faults. I want love that isn’t based on sex, but understands the importance of expressing sexual attraction and pleasure. I want a love that will wait for me, that I can wait for, and build something even bigger than ourselves.

I want a family. I want kids. I want the whole nine yards. I will not allow my sexuality to define the life I can live with my partner, and I will fight for it. I want to own a home that will house my future family and the life we create for ourselves. I want to beat the odds.

I don’t want to give into the pressures of everyone around me. I will NOT allow myself to become a statistic of gay Latinx men that live in the ghettos of the city. I will NOT allow myself to be played with emotionally. I will NOT sell myself short and look for love inside of lust.

I will fight. I will protect. I will continue to search for what I want in life, and for the person who will truly value my time and efforts. I will no longer just write down my feelings and not better myself. I will take a stand for what I deserve. I will get up and make sure I am the best person I can be.

I don’t care if I am young. I don’t care if I am still a student. I know the life I want to live, and if I have to wait for people to reach the same level of maturity, I will. No more second chances. Just me being me; true, honest and pure.

From Guilt to Action

A year ago today I was hit by the tragic news of Leelah Alcorn, a brave girl who took her life to make a change in our society. She was willing to take her own life and become a statistic for trans women everywhere and help push for social reform. Today, a year later, I am still riddled with the guilt of not being able to understand the circumstances she was in. I am not trying to sound ungrateful of the people around me that have supported me through the worst, but I am acknowledging the fact not everyone has had it as easy as I have.

                I have been called a faggot, I have been made a fool of for peoples’ entertainment, and I have cried tears of fear of what could happen to me because of who I am. Through all the rough patches, I was still accepted by the people who I wanted nothing but the best for, the people I called family. Being able to live my life without any fear of being completely ostracized by my peers helped me build my confidence in facing the world and the many people that looked at me with disgust and judgement.

                Of course, this confidence blinded me of the reality that many LGBT+ youth face daily. The stories like that of Leelah Alcorn really cut deep for me. Knowing their stories have a beginning and an end before they get to live a complete life really shakes me up and reminds me of the cruelty on this Earth. Over the past year I have really tried to learn more about being a gay Latinx living in a city. A year later, I am still trying to accept the wide spectrum that falls under the LGBT+ umbrella. The umbrella that I not only belong to, but the one I owe for the ability to understand my gender and sexuality.

                Starting the Pride! Club at school, taking part of the NELGBTC, and being more aware of the troubles in the community, I have attempted to dip my feet into waters very vast and unknown to me. This year, I hope to build on what I have learned, digested and experienced in my community to really start a change. School, work and internships won’t stop me on building myself and maybe even being able to help a person in need of emotional comfort and mutual understanding.

Leelah this year is for you, for me, for us as a community. 

A Tail of Tush

Disclaimer: This piece involves graphic language that isn’t suitable for children.


Buttocks: either of the two large fleshy masses of thick muscular tissue that form the human rump See also gluteus related adjectives gluteal natal.
                                                -Dictionary.com

        The human body is made up of many parts, from fingers to toes. Each part has its own uses distinctions. As humans, we also find some parts to be playful, erotic, and sexy. For me, the human body, big or small, is beautiful and when seen with open eyes, we get to see the human body as something more than physical matter; we see it how nature intended us to see it: appealing. Sexual by nature, humans also find our own joy in the body. For me that would be the buttocks, known by the younger generation as the booty, and by the scientific community as the gluteus maximus.

        There is something about the rounded nature of the butt that attracts me. Since I was young, I always knew I would grow up and appreciate it for what it was, a personal aphrodisiac. When I was searching for my sexuality the curves and structure of the butt would always catch my attention, especially when it was on a male’s body. Big or small, there is something about a man’s  derriere that makes me want to grab, squeeze, and feel on the cold skin surrounding it. Don’t get me wrong, a female with a curved derrière is something to appreciate and admire, but a man who’s back side is as sturdy as his front side is like gold, a piece to admire.

        For me an ass is an ass, peach fuzz or not. The smooth hairs that cover the sphere, to the soft skin that lays on the muscles built by Gods hands himself, shows character. An ass with a little character is an ass with appeal. It doesn’t need to be the meatiest or the most compact, it doesn’t need to pop out through clothing or distorted by the pants one wears. As long as it’s round, smooth and organic- a butt is beautiful the way nature intended.

        A weird thing about my fixation on the gluteus maximus is my lack thereof. I don’t have the roundest, or smoothest, or biggest booty in the world- but it’s not the one I admire. It isn’t on a person who can show it off and flaunt what they were given. If I did, I wouldn’t be so fixated on anyone else’s.

        As long as there’s a curve on a waist, a slight appearance of a bump, there will always be a sight for sore eyes, and my eyes are always sore..